Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
