Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
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he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
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Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You were trust falling into bushes
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
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