im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
