Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Randomize
