Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
