Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
