And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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