Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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