Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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