you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
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I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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