I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Im part way to drunk.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
