I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
