i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
The beer is more important than you right now.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
how do you play pong handcuffed?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
