people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
