I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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