apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
We don't watch enough power rangers
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
