Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
