I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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