This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
