I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.