so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
And the cops told us we were all naked.
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we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
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A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.