I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.