Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.