Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.