Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
you never un-have a 4some