Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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