I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
