Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
