they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
