every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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