I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
