we're blogging at a bar
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Randomize
