They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
