In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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