Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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