can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
