Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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