She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize