I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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