whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
