i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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