The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
