my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
