Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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