Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize