I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
