remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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