I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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