UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
