the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
