he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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