i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
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sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
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I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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