god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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