Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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