yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
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You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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