wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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