remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
