Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Sext me about skeletons
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
