you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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