he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
he was CRYING into my vagina
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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