farters have to be the big spoon...
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
