she pinky promised me she was 18
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
