I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
