I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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