I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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