On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize