She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
